HOSTAGE SITUATION

Hello, nonexistent readers of my oh-so-not-so-humble-blog.  This post is much longer than I intended it to be.  Don't complain. I may just order 50 tacos in front of you at Taco Bell.

Thanksgiving was this past weekend (or Thursday.) I hope you had a good time with family, or by yourself if that's your thing. Which I understand.. Cause some families are CRAZY yo. Yes, I can say yo. DON'T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY!

So, the plan was to leave after choir practice (Kenneth's choir not mine!), drive a few hours to sleep in Virginia. We were in Virginia right Kenneth? I really have no idea. I just show up and do what I'm told most of the time. Kenneth is my life coach-planner-organizer-person.  I should sell clones of him for unorganized or non-tech-savvy people.  I will call it the Kenomatic.

BACK ON TOPIC.  So we finished choir practice (for which there were FOUR choir members) and got on the road.  I was kinda hungry, so in my not-so-subtle way,

Me: "Kenneth I'm hungry."
Ken: "Ok, what do you want?"
Me: "Oh whatever you want is fine."
Ken: "How about Arby's?"
Me: "OH PLEASE GOD NO!" (I don't like their song Good Mood Food? Did a FIVE YEAR OLD        WRITE THAT?)
Ken: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Me: "OH GOD NO!" (Bowls... are disgusting.)
Ken: "How about---"
Me: "Oh look a Taco Bell!"
Ken: *pulls in*

This is generally how food selection goes.. I pretend I don't know what I want and hope Kenneth will use his mind-reading powers to guess what I actually want.

I probably wouldn't have minded so much if it had
looked like this.

Omg how did I get so off topic. I wanted to talk about the hostage situation!!!!  Ok anyway, so we pull into Taco Bell.  We never have Taco Bell any more cause we are watching what we eat, so this is a treat for us.  We pull in behind a BIG BLACK TRUCK.    It didn't look exactly like the one in the picture, but it was close.

He takes a few seconds to order and then we pull up to the menu in our cute silver Honda Civic.  A very nice sounding gentleman comes over the speaker and says "Please take a moment to look over the menu and I'll be right back  with you."

I think this is fabulous.  Someone working a drive-through speaker system that can put a complete sentence together and obviously is kind of busy, but cares enough to let me know. GREAT! An intelligent person at Taco Bell! I feel slightly better about my fast-food choice.

A few minutes pass.  Kenneth and I have a great conversations concerning wolverines and Deep Space Nine.  And wolverines attacking Deep Space Nine. And things like that. So we don't even notice the clock moving.

Five minutes pass, taking this into the NO LONGER FAST FOOD arena.  I glance at the clock, but shrug it off thinking that they must be really busy.  Kenneth and I talk some more, this time about the merits of different Star Trek captains by the ratio of hair covering their head.  I think our scale is flawed because Janeway has tons of hair and is awesome, but Picard has like none and is ALSO AWESOME.  And Kirk is somewhere in between and is a douche.

Ten Minutes.  Fifteen. At this point I'm getting kind of pissed off and people in the huge line that has formed behind us start honking their horns.  I develop a complex.  Do they think I'm ordering the entire menu?  Do I need the calorie count of a bean burrito and every ingredient read out to me? NO! I am waiting! So I start talking to the speaker, hoping they'll talk back.  All the while, Big Black Truck man is waiting at the food-window. This is the point where I'd say "Fuck Taco Bell." And drive off.  But someone at Taco Bell had their thinking cap on and put a big ass CURB around their drive through.  If I was rocking a Range Rover or previously mentioned Big Black Truck, I'da jumped that bitch.  But I drive a cute little Honda Civic. No way Jose.   I drew a little diagram to help you.

Blue: Taco Bell
Green: Menu Speaker
Red Arrow: US
Pink arrow: Big Black Truck
Black Line: UNSURMOUNTABLE CURB
Yellow Dots: Everyone who is not trapped at Taco Bell

No one.

Fifteen + minutes.  I whip out my iPhone, locate the store on the map, and call their ass.  Some happy sounding chick answers the phone.  I tell her that I am currently being held hostage at her menu speaker thing and that no one has talked to us since the dinosaurs were having Taco Bell.  She hands me off (as she should) to a manager.  I run down the situation to him (he sounds remarkably like aforementioned well-spoken-speaker-man) and he sighs.  He tells me that the guy in front of us (Big Black Truck) has ordered 50 tacos.  I express my frustration with their management of this scenario, he says "I'm just making food here Ma'am."

Now.. You're probably thinking the same thing I am.  I get asked to "Pull around."  When I order a caeser salad sometimes.  He doesn't ask this dude for 50 tacos?

Reasons for Ordering 50 Tacos:

1. You are an animal hoarder and your 400 cats exist solely on Taco Bell Tacos. 
2. You're a roadie for a band and got stiffed for your dinner-run and decided to punish them with 59 cent tacos. 
3. You're trying to make my life miserable. 

But to make a long story short, I got NO apology when they promptly took my order after I called in to complain. No coupon, no free food. Nothin'.  Just a "Have a nice day."    So.. I will blacklist them to my loyal readership (of which there are none!)


BEWARE THIS TACO BELL.  THEY WILL HOLD YOU HOSTAGE.


820 Eastgate South Dr. 
Cincinnati, OH 45245-1545


Many other things happened these past few days, but I've written enough today. DEAL.

Carry On,

Jess

Update: Kenneth informs me that we were actually in West Virginia.  I was busy watching Harry Potter, and thus did not notice states going by.


He also would like me to mention that we might have not been discussing wolverines. 

Guidelines for Posting on Facebook

Post Number: I have no idea +1

Lately I've been logging onto Facebook and am being overwhelmed by seething rage and violent, murderous tendencies.  I think a lot of my frustration could be helped by a dose of common sense and forethought.  Or, if you're too lazy or don't possess a brain capable of some simple self-censorship, here are some guidelines.   Now, to make it clear, I am not guiltless in these departments.. But my misuse of Facebook is infrequent. Is yours?

• Will anyone care?
This is a big one, and one that's overlooked a LOT.  While I'm sure your coo-coo clock is amazing and VERY rare, I don't want to hear about it for a week after you get it. This one applies to obscure sports facts.. Or commenting how your neighbor needs to mow their grass because you're getting lost when you go to your car cause it kinda reminds you of the African Savannah? Just say no.
• Will it gross people out?
   I'm thrilled your pregnant, or have recently had a baby. But I don't need to hear about it's (or your) bodily functions. I don't have kids.. And maybe I don't have kids for a reason, didja ever think of that? Maybe I'd like to pass on the gross diapers I hear about on Facebook? And if you're sick, I'm so sorry. I hope you feel better, but please please please don't post on how your bathroom situation is uncomfortable or your puking your intestines from your nostrils. I really don't want to hear it. A quick test. Would you tell that information to a stranger? If it's a no, don't post it on Facebook. 
• Are you using excessive vulgarity or posting way TMI? I've run into this with some of my former voice students.  I think of them as High School students, and CAPS LOCKING VULGARITIES AND OMG THIS BITCH A HO IMA CUT HER is kind of rage-inducing for me. I don't care about your petty drama with some other chick (or dude.) Just shut your mouth.  And, I also don't care to know about your sexual habits. I can handle an occasional dose of innuendo (in YOUR end-o) if it's presented with humor.. But if it's every other day I'm probably just gonna hit the dreaded UNFRIEND button. (OMG THE HORROR)
• Is it a quote? Your Facebook should represent you, not Abraham Lincoln or The Dalai Lama or some obscure feminist I don't give a shit about. I am guilty of this one probably most of all, since I'm a huge fan of the Dalai Lama.  IF it is relevant to a situation you are going through, I'm ok with reading the quote to empathize (or celebrate!) with you. Just don't make it a habit, Mario Tobar. And very very often, that quote you're using is misattributed.. And I will make fun of you if I realize it.  

• Are you being a Debbie Downer?
  Are your posts more than 50% negative, woe is me, my life is awful type things? If so, you might be a Debbie Downer.  The first few times we see these posts, we feel sorry for you.  The rest of the time, we roll our eyes and usually say "Man up."  Everyone's life is hard, we don't want to be brought down by yours.
• Would someone call the Suicide Prevention Hotline on you?  This one is sort of an extreme version of the Debbie Downer. If your posts are 90% negative.. We will worry about you and think someone should call the Suicide Hotline for you. "I hate my life."  "How long does this have to go on?" That sort of thing. If you need me to call someone for you, please God just tell me and stop posting on Facebook.
• Are you a Happy Hannah?
  I'm more on this side of the fence.  I'd SO much prefer to read about a Happy Hannah than a Debbie Downer.  A lot of extremely-in-your-face religious people fall into this category as well.  Sure, I'm saw you saw a cloud in the shape of a duckbill platypus and thought "Isn't god cool?" But... c'mon. The rest of us are just going to laugh at you.
• Do you only post pictures?I know. That picture of your cat is ADORABLE. And I can stand to see one or two of them. But don't update us on your cat's cute-level every other day. C'mon. And those political ones showing me how Obama kinda sorta reminds you of a monkey? That's like an automatic block. If you're going to post a picture.. Think if it's going to be funny for anyone else. And will it a offend a close friend or group of friends?  I do this occasionally, and I will do it now. Behold, Catdalf. 

Yes, I know that I posted two pictures that had to do with Gandalf.. And both were kind of nerdy. DEAL WITH IT.  I think what it comes down to is that Facebook has allowed us to be oversharing assholes without any sort of real-life repercussions.  If it's important to you, WHY WOULDN'T IT BE IMPORTANT TO ANYONE ELSE?  But trust me, it's not. The world just does not care about you that much. 

It only cares about me that much. 

Carry on.

-JESS

Witty Post TItle

Blog entry number: I have no idea.

So.. I've had a pretty boring week or so. Work, work, work, sleep, work work, gym, gym, work, bar, gym, blue-ray, WoW, stuff.

Movie poster!

The blue ray was Stardust. And it is now one of my favorite movies. I remember seeing this in 2007 and loving it in a Princess Bride kinda way.  The big names in it are Claire Danes (the star), Michelle Pfeiffer (the evil skin-hanging off old woman witch), and Robert DeNiro (the cross dressing pirate cut-throat captain). Yes, I said Robert De Niro and cross dressing pirate in the same parenthetical fragment. He's fabulous in both a literal and a figurative sense. It has a happy ending, which is one of the top few criteria to make my favorite movie list.  Other criteria is... explosions.. good music.. and very little politics.


If you haven't seen it - rent it or Netflix it. :) It's really cheap at Amazon (9.99) and Walmart (8.96). Both of those versions are the blue ray. I imagine regular is even cheaper.





Work is good. Good in a way that I'm kinda sad my temp assignment with them is over on Dec 6th. It's a job that isn't too hard, and it requires me to be smart in a think-ahead kinda way. And it gets me 40 hours a week (if I was allowed overtime with OfficeTeam I'd get more than that.) I'm going to be a sad girl after Dec 6th. The Regional Vice-President of the company works there and he's been very supportive of me looking up a Club (Hair Club) wherever I end up and he'd help me get a job.  And the entire staff has been super-nice. It makes working with them for 8 hours so much easier. An added bonus is I get to play HAIR PIECE, NOT A HAIRPIECE all day. You don't watch Letterman? You won't get that joke.

I'm not getting to the gym as often as I'd like.  I think it's the whole working 8 hours a day thing. But every time I go I do about half hour of weights then an hour-long spinning class. NEW GOAL: 3-4 times a week.

I don't like how every time I see a picture with spinning in it everyone seems attractive, super skinny, happy, and like totally excited about what they're doing. NO. That is not how it is. You're sweating like an 800 pound woman running a from an angry monkey, your face is so red you look like at any second you could pass out, you look hideous from every angle, and you're bouncing up and down on your hoo-haa (or whatever the cutesy name for a man's hoo-haa is.)

Ok.. Now for something totally different. I don't talk about my video-gaming habit very often because I think the people who read this blog (let's be honest, no one reads this) will make fun of me in a ZOMG LOSER kinda way.

But I run (sorta run) a guild in World of Warcraft, Horde side. And I raid too... Ya, I'm one of those raiding people.  Hours spent pushing buttons trying to kill pixelated dragons. My guild is a "casual" raiding guild which means we raid for a short amount of time two times a week. And this past week, we KILLED RAGNAROS. He's the last boss in the "Firelands" raid encounter. So it's sort of a big deal. so YAY US. Ok, you can go back to making fun of me pretending I don't play WOW.



Ok... rambling over.

Carry on,

               JESS