I'm an ADULT? NO!!!!

OMG I haven't updated in like a week. For SHAME.  In apology, I will attempt to make this one entertaining. ATTEMPT. I promise nothing. It may be boring. And if you're here already you'll probably read it anyway. So I win. You lose. I WIN. #WINNING?

Sigma Alpha Iota

Kenneth was gone all weekend to his Fraternity thing, where talked about frat men who used to be frat boys who still want to talk about frat things. Like naked dances, paddles, wooden planks that look like states, and serenading women. That last part I like. I've been serenaded a few times.  If you are interested he's in Phi Mu Alpha, a music fraternity for men. AND NO THAT'S NOT REDUNDANT cause Sigma Alpha Iota is a women's fraternity that I was a member of in college. NO MORE. Cause they are kind of crazy. I think SAI brings out the crazy in people.  I mean.. I met some awesome people like the Ashleys. But I also met crazy people. Lots of them. So... my advice? Join an honors fraternity or a social fraternity/sorority. But not a fraternity/sorority that pretends to be anything else - cause THOSE HAVE THE CRAZIES.

Picture Unrelated

Why did I go off on that tangent? OH YA. Kenneth was gone. So I did a lot of nothing. I went to the gym kind of obsessively (I like spinning class, who knew?) Spinning, for those of you who don't know, is where you go in and sit on a stationary bike that kind hurts your butt and pedal really fast and jump up and down on the pedals while someone yells at you to go FASTER, YOU FAT ASS. Not really, no one yelled "fat ass" at me. But she was kind of pushing our speed. And it's a hella good workout.  There's a "Cycle" class and a "Cycle Zone" class. I've been to two "Cycle Zone" classes which seem to be higher intensity but only 45 minutes. "Cycle" is an hour. That 15 minutes makes a HUGE difference.  I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle of goo after the hour. 45 minutes was better. Less goo-feeling, more burning thighs. THIGHS OF FLAME.

I also went and saw X-men First Class. Not the greatest movie, but a good waste of two hours. My favorite scene (minor spoiler) was when they were rounding up mutants and Magneto/ProffX walked into a bar that Logan was in and all he said to them was "Fuck off."  If I was a mutant, I'd be a tough badass one like him.

Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman

TRUE BLOOD is back for season 4 on HBO. WAY different from the books, but that's ok. I think I kinda like the show better than the books anyway. Better pictures. Speaking of pictures, Eric.

You're welcome.

So the first episode was on HBO and they released the second episode for HBO GO. Which I guess is for iPads and stuff. But I watched both of them. One of my favorite story lines is playing out this season. Eric loses his memories! Very Eric-central. I like it.

And I need a show that's scandalous and entertaining while Game of Thrones is on hiatus until 2012! 2012 seems so far away, but I guess it's only 6 months now.


OH YA. When Kenneth got back on Sunday he took me out to eat at our local Indian place Baba India and as always, the food was fabulous and the service was ok. We ended up talking about a lot of future plans and stuff. In the middle of the conversation I sort of realized we were adults talking about adult-things. Which sucks. But I guess it's time! 28 is an adult right?


Ok enough seriousness. We (Kenneth and me) are going to North Carolina for the weekend and the 4th.  We're going to the Tice-Lake House. It's so pretty! I can't wait to be away from work/Cincinnati/other stuff! And I promise to update more!

<3 Jess

PS: Comments are welcome and appreciated either here or on facebook. No need to register.

Russian Teeth

Ok.. so why is it always the Russian patients who get under my skin? I see the names.. I know they're Russian.. and I just KNOW they're going to have an attitude. Sooooooo maybe it's my predisposition to hate them?

 

 

Russia, the ginger hair of the world.

Ohio, who's kind of a douche.

Sidenote, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME RUSSIA WAS HUGE? I thought it was this place kind of Texas-sized that was sad and cold all the time. Is this map even current? God I'm awful at geography. You don't even want to KNOW how long it took me to find Ohio on a US map. How did I make it through like fifth grade? My street smarts, that's how!!


Ha, I have no street smarts. I have very specific book smarts. Kenneth is the holder of the common sense in our household. He pointed out that my smart-ness (HA) is just different than his smart-ness. That shows you how smart he is. ALSO. He went and got me wine last night when I had the last glass of some Chilean cabernet. We were in the middle of watching the Shawshank Redemption (it was on TV and Kenneth said he'd never seen it all the way through which I thought was HORRENDOUS cause it's a classic and wow this is a run on sentence, see? Book smarts, people.)

WINE

 I'm getting sidetracked.  He brought me home two bottles (A merlot and a cabernet sauvignon  cause I've decided that I like red wines more than white) of FUNKY LLAMA.  Cause I like wines with weird names. And I like the Dalai Lama. And I'm kind funky. AREN'T I?


Anyway, Anniversary news! Kenneth and I saw the Green Lantern Saturday and I thought it was excellent. Don't let the naysayers tell you differently. The graphics were cool (we saw it in 3D) and Ryan Reynolds was very pretty to look at in his little green suit. He has niiiice arms. I'm kind of obsessed with arms now that I'm working out. I have a very specific idea of what I want them to look like. Ok back to the movie. I don't know ANY of the backstory or anything (well except for what they showed in the first 15 minutes of the movie) and I've not read any of the comics... So, for the uninitiated, it's fabulous.  Go see it.  Blake Lively's in it, boys. She wears tight clothes. 3D is kind of annoying, btw. Sometimes it hurts my eyes.

AFTER the movie we went to the Melting Pot. Which I love. We never get to go cause it's HELLA expensive. So we kind of splurged and got the "Big Night Out" and a wine selection for each course. It was yummmmmmmmy and I ate way too much. But that's what anniversaries are for, celebrating and overindulging. :) Six amazing years, Kenneth! Looking forward to eleventy billion more.

Ok ENOUGH BLOG

EVIL ELLIPTICAL!!!!!!!

So I slept like 11 hours last night. That's ridiculous. And I NEVER sleep that long. Usually I'm up past midnight. But last night? I was out like a light at 9pm. I was dozing off before that too. That reminds me of a video I was made aware of yesterday, entitled "Go the fuck to sleep." Which I've included above. Read by the awesome Samuel L. Jackson.  You know... I wonder if any of my family reads this other than my husband. I swear a lot in it. DON'T JUDGE ME PLEASE I LIKE YOU GUYS. I don't get to swear at work... or at the gym... or when I go to church. I swear plenty at Kenneth (sorry babe!), but I think he kinda likes the abuse. I will SO read "Go the fuck to sleep" to my kids. When I have them. Eventually.

Elliptical, what made me hurt. EVIL ELLIPTICAL

GYM STUFF: I am sort of getting used to hurting and being sore all over. After my training session with Gyasi (Tuesday) my arms were sooooooooo sore. Which is strange cause I usually use heavier weights when I'm with Jarod, but fewer reps. Hmm.. Interesting!  And yesterday I went back for a pure-cardio workout since my arms were achey. And now my LEGS are in pain. I wonder if the soreness ever goes away.. Any fit people reading? Does it GO AWAY? TELL ME IT GOES AWAY.

Gyasi also said I'm not eating enough..to which I giggled. And then he explained that by enough he meant FREQUENCY not like..total gargantuan amount. Soo... I've been trying to snack a little more during the day.  He said six.. I've been doing five or so. It's hard to eat after dinner. 

SUBJECT CHANGE

Jason Momoa on Game of Thrones

I watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones the other day and was SHOCKED at the end. OMG. Like.. WHAT? I'm also reading the first book but I hadn't gotten up to that point, so I was unprepared.  No spoilers, but wow.

I kinda like the book. Not as political as I thought it'd be. Cause those kind of books bore me. More about family and honor. And Ronon Dex (Jason Momoa) from Stargate:Atlantis is in the show.. And he never wears a shirt. Which is a bonus.

Anniversary weekend coming up! So excited! Love you Kenneth!

You're grounded Spiderman.

Harry Potter Peeps Legoized

Kenneth is playing Lego Harry Potter so I am sitting around and redesigning my blog while listening. It's kind of aggressive. You have this huge fucking army of peeps from the stories. And you basically destroy EVERYTHING.  The music's on a loop so I think he's trying to slowly drive me crazy. What do you think? But it IS making me want to watch the latest movie. What number is it? 349930284? And there's one more. So that's Harry Fricking Potter 349930285.

OH YES I CAN, YOU DO WHAT I SAY!

In other news.. I ran out of freaking contacts. And my prescription ran out on June 7. SO CLOSE...yet so far.  So I had to go to the Eye Doctor.  I wanted to get it over and done with for cheap, so I went to one of those WalMart eye centers. MISTAKE. I even made an appointment!!! It took me an hour and forty five minutes to get out of there. Plus they were showing Spiderman on the tv and that made me sort of gag.

Spiderman YOU ARE GROUNDED.

Moaning Myrtle (Sans Swimsuit)

HARRY POTTER UPDATE: Kenneth just rescued Moaning Myrtle (swimsuit edition).  And now he's out of students to rescue. What will he do? Just make the music STOP!







OH HEY! I watched the Tony's the other night. There were a buuuunch of shows I don't care about. BUT the things I enjoyed were:

• The Book of Mormon I wasn't sure about this show after listening to the recording. It seemed kind of shocking for shock value. But the adorableness of the guy who sang "I Believe" was great. I wanna see it. Kenneth take me to NYC. ALSO of note, it's funny that the link for the Broadway show comes up before the wikipedia entry for the actual Book of Mormon.
• It's Raining Men: Hallelujah Paul Schafer. A video for reference of the song.
• NPH A good host! Funny in "It's not just for gays anymore" and the end of the show rap was hilarious. Not excited about his showing in "Company" though. That show just looks tired.

Kenneth and Me looking adorable.

OH HEY. Our 6th wedding anniversary is this Saturday the 18th!  I think we're going to the Melting Pot and then who knows what else. YAY SIX YEARS without killing each other! Love you Kenneth!

Philosoraptor

Accountability is not difficult, it's not an art - it's a courtesy. The polite thing. The EXPECTED THING.

When you make an appointment, SHOW UP for that appointment, or at least have the decency to let me know BEFORE the day of the FUCKING APPOINTMENT. I'm talking to YOU, two patients that didn't show up today. Because I know out of all the blogs on the whole damned internet, YOU READ THIS ONE.  We have smartphones, fancy calendars, we send you postcards to remind you, we call you a week ahead of time, WE EVEN HAVE LITTLE FRIDGE MAGNETS.

SERIOUSLY, how do they work?

But, the two no-shows gave me a lot of time to catch up on my work and then, by consequence, time to browse the interwebs. I've decided that I kind of love the Philosoraptor.  He's a velociraptor (duh) that says philosophical things. Thus, the PHILOSORAPTOR dammit.  He's like a dinosaur Dali Lama.

Sidenote.. I think if the world were overrun by velociraptors people would be a lot more happy. I mean.. if going to work in the morning consisted of fending off toothy dinosaurs that evolved from birds but are really scary anyway at the bus stop - you'd feel much more accomplished when you got there. Once you got to work you'd be pretty safe.. UNLESS the velociraptor in question is that one from Jurassic park that can open those handled door-knobs. I'm glad my office has a traditional doorknob. Now you're thinking about it, aren't you? What kind of doorknob do you have? Is it VELOCIRAPTOR-PROOF? Doorknob installers should advertise that fact.

The same thing can be said for the zombie apocalypse (it took me two tries to spell apocalypse, what is the world coming to? It's the spellocalypse). BUT I think the doorknob issue would be kind of a non-issue cause zombies, even crazy slow moving ones (the super fast zombies are WAY scarier), can open doors.

Ok moving on, sorry for the rant. I saw my South African Aunt this weekend. I like telling people I have an African Aunt cause people get all uncomfortable and say "REALLY?" And then I say "YES!" like OMG ARE YOU A RACIST?  But anyway - we had Indian food and caught up. It was fun and filling. I don't see my side of the family very often (extended, I see my mom and dad a lot). Kenneth's family is always around when we visit NC though, so it makes up for it.

Ummmmmmmmmmm ok no more funny left.

Final note on accountability: Mario, show up for the fucking raids you make me schedule for you. Kthxbai.

My cowboy boots are made of actual cowboys.

So... I'm sick. Which is unusual.

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT'S ALLERGIES.  Cause, I've never had allergies in my life... Soooooo that's something I don't want to change. Even if I have them. WHICH I DON'T. How many things can you say you've never had or done in your life?

Well..

A couple..

I've never fired a paintball gun from a hot air balloon at one of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. Not the first one, but the second WEIRD one. The ones where they were wearing ROLLERBLADES. How do monkeys get a hold of rollerblades anyway?

I've never chopped down a tree and used it to build a teepee for my cat, who likes teepees. I think she is secretly an American Indian. But not one of the nice ones, one of the old timey scarey ones like the Mohawks or the bad ones in the Last Mohican cause she likes to sneak up on my and ATTACK MY ANKLES LIKE A CRAZY PERSON/CAT. Why did that movie only have one song?

I've never made my own cowboy boots.  But if I did, they would be made of actual cowboys.  It'd have to be a couple cowboys to achieve the pattern I have in mind. Like a reeeeally pale white guy, and a reeeeally dark black guy and a Mexican FOR VARIETY. Maybe specifically a Chilean named Mario. And before you get all OMG RACIST, I know Chileans aren't Mexicans, but Mario gets pissed off when I don't make the distinction.


______________________________

______________________________ 

So there's somethings that are safe from coming off the "I've never done that" list. But I don't want having allergies to be one of them.  

Cincinnati when it's nice, which is never.

 

Everyone in Cincinnati just keeps telling me "You're in Cincinnati, everyone has allergies."  And I say FUCK YOU and your CINCY AIR. Stop trying to mess with my allergy free track record.

 

 

Being sick sucks.

Like... it doesn't just suck. It fucking sucks. Going up the stairs? Ya, that hurts. I'm wheezing and coughing all the time.. Too much to go to the gym.  I try to stay away from medicine as much as I can.. Cause I think that medicine just draws a cold out instead of letting it hit me hard and then moving on. But anyway, enough complaining.

I LOVE THE GYM.  My parents got me a year-long membership to LA Fitness.  It takes me four minutes to get there in the car, just down the street. It's a huge club, never too busy, and the staff is super friendly.  I started at 250lbs(OMFG) even after my birthday. After pretty consistently going 3-4 times a week for about an hour I'm down to 235.  I've gained some muscle mass too, most noticeably in my biceps (IE, MY GUNS). I've started to get DISTRACTED by my guns.. I show them off to Kenneth and flex all the time. I am a huge dork.  My goal is to get to AT LEAST 199 by the end of the summer, and my trainer Jared thinks it's doable.

JARED.  My trainer. I've signed up for once-a-month training sessions. 30ish minutes of pure strength trainng. He kicks my butt every time.  I've learned a ton of exercises that are easy to do by myself, and he changes them up for me. (Thank god) Cause I get super bored after doing something for so long.

Other things I've been doing:

• Game of Thrones: I caught up on this series recently. I gotta say, the first episode turned me off from the series. I mean.. murder, incest, and lots of children are a surefire way to loose my interest. But I persevered and was rewarded by the subsequent episodes.  I like the fact that it's primarily about family instead of politics.
• True Blood: Season 3: When we moved to Cincinnati we sacrificed premium channels (I know, huge sacrifice) so I missed season three. I was kinda obsessed with the show and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) and was excited when I got to catch up. It was ok. If the scenery wasn't so nice, I wouldn't keep watching it. 
• Kenneth is doing well in his D.M.A. program. WHICH IS AWESOME. And as usual, he's probably the most perfect person in the world.
• Work gets no link cause it the webpage sucks. It's work. Blah.
• Ok that's all.

Pretty long update, but I've been lax in writing here. :)  Here's a picture of the cat in apology.