My cowboy boots are made of actual cowboys.

So... I'm sick. Which is unusual.

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT'S ALLERGIES.  Cause, I've never had allergies in my life... Soooooo that's something I don't want to change. Even if I have them. WHICH I DON'T. How many things can you say you've never had or done in your life?

Well..

A couple..

I've never fired a paintball gun from a hot air balloon at one of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. Not the first one, but the second WEIRD one. The ones where they were wearing ROLLERBLADES. How do monkeys get a hold of rollerblades anyway?

I've never chopped down a tree and used it to build a teepee for my cat, who likes teepees. I think she is secretly an American Indian. But not one of the nice ones, one of the old timey scarey ones like the Mohawks or the bad ones in the Last Mohican cause she likes to sneak up on my and ATTACK MY ANKLES LIKE A CRAZY PERSON/CAT. Why did that movie only have one song?

I've never made my own cowboy boots.  But if I did, they would be made of actual cowboys.  It'd have to be a couple cowboys to achieve the pattern I have in mind. Like a reeeeally pale white guy, and a reeeeally dark black guy and a Mexican FOR VARIETY. Maybe specifically a Chilean named Mario. And before you get all OMG RACIST, I know Chileans aren't Mexicans, but Mario gets pissed off when I don't make the distinction.


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So there's somethings that are safe from coming off the "I've never done that" list. But I don't want having allergies to be one of them.  

Cincinnati when it's nice, which is never.

 

Everyone in Cincinnati just keeps telling me "You're in Cincinnati, everyone has allergies."  And I say FUCK YOU and your CINCY AIR. Stop trying to mess with my allergy free track record.